


A Home Beneath the Night Sky

by Solrosfalt



Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Acceptance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Ena/Rajaion (Past), F/F, Finding a new home, Grief/Mourning, Non-Linear Narrative, Prenatal Depression, Raising a Child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25594204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solrosfalt/pseuds/Solrosfalt
Summary: This was not Ena’s place. It was difficult for her to imagine anywhere to be her home, so perhaps that was her fate. To wander, like a rootless spirit of old.She must have been mad to think of leaving her shelter with a child on the way, but the thought did not abandon her. When her eyes opened from her fidgety rest, her mind was set. On that day, Ena went against everything she was taught in her youth.She moved.
Relationships: Ena & Nasir (Fire Emblem), Ena/Leanne (Fire Emblem)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A rarepair for Tellius FF Week! Includes some heavy elements but also Nasir being his stealthy dramatic self, bird tribe laguz shenanigans (because it is me what else do you expect) and happy endings. Can we please have a dragon family in FE that is happy instys i beg
> 
> Thank you to @I_eat_Lazers for getting me invested in these two, they are wonderful!

Goldoa never moved. They would not, could not, and so it had remained untouched and unseen for centuries. Ena had lived for more than a hundred years, and true to its purpose, the kingdom of her birth didn't budge a hair out of its place no matter the chaos surrounding them. They were meant to be the one thing unchanged and unchallenged.

The king never strayed from this path, and neither did his people. The ones that had finally betrayed those values had been none other than the king’s own family. And since the princess Almedha eloped from her rigid home, nothing had ever been the same. Some things lost. Some things gained. Although in Ena’s case, _all_ things lost.

Now Ena sat on Goldoan shores, and her gaze wandered over the waves as they reached the smooth rocks. White foam, tinted pink by sunset rays. The exact color of her hair. She knew it was, because that was what her mother used to say when they set sail together. Back when Ena was the rarest thing in their village—a _child_.

Dragons did not stay children for long. Only about fifty years or so. And by twenty they were expected to be the same as the adults - wise, understanding, and willing to do whatever it took to protect Order and fight the Dark God.

Ena remembered what it was like for her to be the only child within miles and miles, how straight she had forced her back to be. Her grandfather had tried to joke around with her, which she appreciated, but she could tell from the glances she got that she wasn’t meant to laugh _too_ much, or play for _too_ long. In being a rarity, there was also discomfort from the adults because children acted so _differently_ – why couldn’t they just grow up and skip all the uncomfortable _growing_ business?

Things in Goldoa had evidently changed with prince Kurthnaga having taken his father's place, but a mindset like that couldn't change as quickly. Especially not with the stubbornness of dragons involved.

Ena put her hand over her belly, an immediate turn and kick aimed in response. Would her child face the same gazes? The same pressures? Ordinarily, she wouldn’t question this, but she’d spent enough time outside Goldoan borders to hear the laughter of beorc children and see the patient smiles on their parent’s faces to understand that Goldoa’s way to look at children was not the only way.

But Ena was not worthy of thinking what would be best for her child. She had nothing to call it, yet. It was strange to return curious questions with ' _I haven't thought of anything'_. And she saw it in their gazes, how the smiles of her neighbors died. They thought she didn’t care. They judged her. And she felt certain that they whispered to one another what a bad mother she would become _._

A dragon pregnancy was an affair ongoing for seven years. Plenty of time to think of names, one would think.

But that time had not helped her. Not at all. The more time one spent fumbling through the woods, the more one risked getting lost, was that not so?

And Ena was indeed lost. Since the moment she had cupped the face of the one she loved as he lay dying, she had never found her way back.

Ena looked down into the sand. If she watched the waves, her mind flowed with them, granting her a few moments of peace before they broke apart at her feet.

A dragon’s consciousness flowed just like that – it was how they managed eternity. Time blurred and broke apart like the waves below, thoughts skipping between memories. It was natural when one lived for thousands of years, and even Ena in her relative youth felt the lines blur. She was grateful each time, because in those fleeting moments she was no longer alone.

-  
  


_"Rajaion."_

_The name carries with it all her heart's joys and devotions, and he looks at her with his eyes like an open, endless mirror._

_His black robes melts into his ebony hair, his smile like he is both younger and older than his four hundred years._

_"Your grandfather is such a treasure," he says. "I think he and my mother would've liked each other. It's a shame the Calamity took so many from our families."_

_Ena nods. Nasir is the only one she has. Her parents disappeared one day, only the tattered remains of the sail on their boat making it to shore. She did not lose them in the great horrors of the Calamity, but the feeling of loss is the same. She knows the suffering extended to every kingdom, laguz or beorc, but for the Dragons the memory is still fresh. What lies five or six generations back for other kinds is but one or two for her people._

_But even so, her grandfather never failed to hold her up and tell her happy stories of days long past, adding funny banter between historical figures that had not spoken in centuries. It is frowned upon to be so playful, and Ena knows Nasir can be quite serious – so it is a choice he makes to not care. To display his imagination and humor and not hide, not even the first time the Crown Prince of Goldoa appeared on his doorstep with Ena’s hand in his. Nasir had only chuckled to himself, like it didn’t surprise him at all._

_Ena looks over her shoulder, just to see that he is not currently spying on them. It wouldn’t be unlike him._

_"I'm glad Grandfather is able to make you smile," she says to Rajaion once she is assured there are no eyes on them._

_"I smile the most when I’m with you," Rajaion grins. "But I can see where that particular trait came from. I do hope it is hereditary, because goodness knows my family needs a bit of cheering up every now and again."_

_Ena blushes. She knows he speaks of the heir, and whenever the magnitude of her marriage and happiness catches up with her, her cheeks burn. With joy. With excitement. With purpose._

_She belongs here. With him._

_The waves are still this time of year. They move into the shore with quiet slurps._

_And they leave white foam, tinted with sunset rays._  
  


-  
  


A wind rustled against her cheek, and Ena’s thoughts returned to the present. Rajaion is not beside her this time, and even as she pulled her cloak around her neck, she felt freezing cold.

It was just her here. Her and her nameless child.

Why had they not named the heir together, back then? Why was Ena left alone with the weight of a decision she could not make?

There was no answer, only emptiness. Dusk passed into night, and stars filled the sky.

The myth of the afterlife that Ena was familiar with was unique to dragons. Ena had realized that after spending time with other laguz. Hawks and beasts did not think about such things much, as that was just how life was – one lived and one died, and that was it. Beorc and ravens were as diverse in that philosophy as they were in other things, and herons believed that they returned to Serenes in an endless cycle of life.

Dragons, on the other hand, sustained the sky. Red dragons soared like the smoke of fire and became one with the daylight sun. White dragons became the stars, while black dragons became the entire arc that held the night sky together. The darkness was where light could reside, feel safe. Even in death, the black dragons held their people by the hand.

Ena felt most at home beneath the night sky, with Nasir watching over her and Rajaion's arms embracing her again. If only they were not so far away.

The stars moved. They twinkled down at her, and Ena thought she saw a sly smile somewhere up there, too.

"Hello, grandpapa," Ena whispered back at him. “If you are there, please watch over Rajaion.”

It was such an ironic thing to ask of him, because she didn’t really know for sure if that was where Nasir resided, and even if he _did_ , she wasn’t sure if one White Dragon could do much to watch over a highborn Black Dragon.

But Nasir had been enough to stand up against one before, so perhaps it was not too strange of her to ask. And no matter what, Nasir would never stop protecting his own. And Rajaion was family.

He would have been, if fate had been kinder, but Ena had learned that fate was not kind.  
  


\--  
  


_"Rajaion!"_

_The sky is burning and trembling with death. Hawk laguz cross over it with cries that makes everything worse, worse, much worse—because Ena is terrified._

_Ena had made her choice to stay when Rajaion had been defiled by the Daein king, and she had thought she would die weeks in the past. But her vigil would not end with her death, but by his._

_The Daein king is there. The Mad One. Ashnard. Untouchable on his mighty beast of a wyvern. Except it is not a wyvern at all._

_Ena calls to him, her heart torn in flames of rage and the cold of grief._

_"Rajaion!"_

_He snaps his head and roars at the sky. The king is ordering him to move, with painful jabs of his sword. And Rajaion cringes and looks back at Ena with wild eyes._

_Ena knows what she has to do, but she cannot. She cannot._

_Her jaws open to fight him, but it is lackluster._

_Rajaion's movement is lifeless, dulled by Ena’s presence, and they miss one another. They spin in circles, his eyes watching her wearily._

_It is so wrong to watch him crawl on all fours, it is so wrong to remember those eyes and that person standing proud beside her, kissing her fingers, shared in her joy to be a parent—_

_Another stab, another order from his cruel master. And Rajaion lunges._

_He will be the one to kill her. Some twisted naivety in her imagines his teeth to be nothing but a kiss, feathery light, but the rest of her knows she will die and she can only anticipate the pain, and coupled with the swirl of the heir that shares her body, all she knows is grief._

_But she does not die. A white giant digs his teeth into Rajaion's cheek before he has the time to tear into Ena, and Rajaion answers immediately._

_“Grandpapa,” Ena shouts, her eyes wide as Rajaion tears his fangs into Nasir’s throat. The hawk king drives his claws into Rajaion’s neck, and the king of lions topples him with a mighty lunge, the goddess’ blessed blade piercing the Mad King’s armor, but none of it lets Rajaion’s jaws release the hold on Nasir._

_Both Ena and her grandfather walked into this battle, knowing that they would have to fight a black dragon. Knowing that no matter what they did, they would lose a part of their family._

_But in that moment, Ena has not yet realized just how much her future would shatter, because Nasir still breathes when she darts to Rajaion’s side._

_When her tears are still not dry, when she looks up again, her grandfather is nowhere to be seen._

\--  
  


The stars left her, just as he had done. The light of morning gave Ena no joy. She walked into her cottage, to sleep. To dream. And the people of her village watched her daily wander. Watched her as her cheeks burned of tears and shame.

A year had passed since she had moved out of the castle, on Kurthnaga's good graces, and back to her childhood home. She had hoped that the past would stop haunting her if only she left the halls where Rajaion’s laughter had once echoed, but nothing within her had changed. Nothing at all.

Goldoa did not move. It would never budge, and neither would its people. Ena would grow roots she could not escape into a kingdom with memories she could not handle. Did her child deserve to be locked by those roots, too?

No, that was the whole reason she had left the palace. She saw no future without Rajaion. Her hope that time spent in her childhood home would bring her something worthwhile had been nothing but a frail wish. If she could even wish for anything anymore. Her thoughts felt empty when they were not filled by memories.

It would not be unlike her grandfather to appear out of nowhere and smile at her, tell her that he had merely been waiting for the perfect opportunity to make himself known again. He had simply disappeared, after all, and he had a way with stealth and dramatics few others could match.

But he had yet to return. In that way, it was easier to think of him as dead. Easier, and yet so difficult. If this was his way of trying to tell her to stand on her own legs, he had a funny way to do it. And not in a way that would make her laugh.

She sat down on the bed. Dragons lived forever, no natural disease or old age able to touch them, and they were very particular in finding a place to spend that eternity.

This was not Ena’s place. It was difficult for her to imagine _anywhere_ to be her home, so perhaps that was her fate. To wander, like a rootless spirit of old.

She must have been mad to think of leaving her shelter with a child on the way, but the thought did not abandon her. When her eyes opened from her fidgety rest, her mind set.

On that day, Ena went against everything she was taught in her youth.

She moved.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Rajaion... I do not like this."_

_Ena holds her arms around herself in an attempt to soothe her racing heart, but the darkness is still pressing at her temples. The air is unfamiliar on beorc lands. Less dense, like it aims to run away from her when she tries to breathe it in._

_"My sweet ocean flower," Rajaion smiles and brushes her cheek. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Beorc are no danger to us."_

_Ena pulls her cloak tighter around her face, her eyes searching the road._

_"I fear them not", she answers. "But I fear to lose you in this darkness."_

_"Alas, you think our ancestors would be so cruel and not light the way?"_

_"This is no joking matter," Ena snaps._

_"You're right," he answers, and his tone is serious now. "But we have our lead, and all we need to do is follow it. We will bring Almedha home, and father will see reason with us. All three of us. I will be right here with you, the whole time."_

_"I know," Ena answers. "We go to Daein, as agreed. Then regardless of Almedha’s preferences, we go home."_

_"I can hear you condemn her," Rajaion says, without judgement. "My sister was always so curious, and I can't blame her. I've been fascinated by the lives of beorc, too."_

_"But you never ran away."_

_“Well, my sweet ocean flower,” Rajaion smiles wide and gestures out over the dark road. "That depends on how we look at our present situation, doesn’t it?"_

  
  


\--  
  


Ena was not frightened when she crossed the border this time. All her fears had come to pass, so she did not look twice at the beorc that walked her by, whether they wielded weapons or not.

She still held no love for them, though. It was hard to. There had been a little bit of room in her heart for the beorc of the army because they helped her, and cheered for her, and patted her on the back. She never smiled at them in return, but they met her with an array of emotions regardless.

The army that had fought the goddess was mature. And comfortable, more comfortable than any other place had been since. She had appreciated them, and yet, Ena still could not open up to them. Bitterness had taken place in her heart like a leech. She could not escape it. Beorc had taken her beloved and twisted him. Serenes had burned. Phoenicis massacred. Ravens bound. Cats skinned, Tigers enslaved, and dragons, dragons had been made into mindless mounts—and she had stood there helpless and watched it all happen.

What a cruel world it was. Ena finally understood her father-in-law in his rigidity. Not being involved in the chaos of war was a comfort, a privilege – even though his reasons were different.

But now Ena walked with purpose, further and further away from the ideals of a dragon. Her heir twisted and turned in her belly. The child was almost fully grown, and surely curious about the world beyond.

"I think someone needs to calm down," she said with a little smile, but then the child stopped moving, and she went cold. Were they dead? Did she—

Another movement. Ena exhaled. Then she kept on walking as dully as before.

Such scares _should_ push back the void in her chest, but all it did was squeeze at it like a sponge filled with water—some of the nothingness ran off her but soaked back in when her fear passed. There was no respite, not for her emptiness, and not for the pain in her hips and back. Although bodily discomfort could be fixed by a simple transformation, Ena did not want to frighten the beorc around her. She just wanted to pass them by, live her life.

This was what Rajaion had wished for her, and she did her best to make him proud, even now.

\---

_“Rajaion.”_

_Ena’s voice is a mere whisper when she leans down to kiss him on the forehead one last time. Her grandfather is not yet gone, so for these few moments, she is unaware just how much she stands to lose._

_The galdr stirs in the air, from the lips of herons wronged and still with the wish to heal. To help. But there is no helping Rajaion._

_There is still a wild beast within his gaze, even as his form untwists free of the curse. He is still dying, but there is something deep, deep within him that recognizes her, freed by the galdr._

_“E…na”, he whispers and puts his hand against her cheek._

_“Rajaion”, Ena sobs. “Come home with me.”_

_Rajaion smiles weakly. The beast is still there, twisting and twisting in his mind like a knife. For three years that had been his life, his mind chafed away like waves on rocks, but he knows her, and knows what his fate will be._

_“Home is the stars”, he whispers. “For me. Not for you… my ocean flow… Don’t… follow me there yet.”_

_He cannot string a coherent sentence together, and Ena fears this moment more than she has anything in her entire life. She embraces him. Their child moves, as if they too want to offer comfort, but there is no comfort to be had._

_Rajaion is cold, and Ena is alone._

\---

It might have been the second week of Ena’s journey. She guessed so, anyway, since she had crossed Begnion in its entirety. She did not keep track that well, with such small measures of time being of little significance. No matter how long it had been, it was getting dark again, and she was hungry.

She had no issues staying up, as she preferred to sleep through the days either way, but such practices was not really possible in the rustle of beorc society. She usually paid a simple tavern for a meal and a bed and went on her way in the early morning, lamenting how she could not sit with Rajaion beneath the night sky.

There were no taverns near her, Ena could gather that much from the wide-stretched forest to the south of her, but there was perhaps something akin to one.

Serenes Forest was not a place with a town, or a market, or any some such. Nothing was named on a map except the forest itself, and its many paths were inscrutable. The occasional beorc dared to venture into the united bird tribe lands, but for the most part, the air that surrounded Ena was a strange feeling of both fullness and emptiness at the same time.

She knew that the birds lived where they pleased in these woods, and she did not really know where she should go or who she should ask for help with a meal, but the forest of the night soothed her aching scars. The wind in the trees, like a galdr of old.

She simply followed the paths, and soon she heard voices and laughter.

Bird tribe people always seemed so energetic compared to dragons. Hawks and ravens were usually rash and quick to quip with one another, and the herons looked calm but the gleam in their eyes were eternal and unyielding.

And when Ena stepped into their clearing that must be something akin to their meeting place, there was firelight reflected in every eye that turned to look at her.

Her heartbeat quickened for a moment, but when she saw nothing but smiling faces, she stilled. There was fire, but there was also calm.

“ _Ena_ ”, a clear voice greeted her, and Ena spun around. “I’m so happy to see you! What a surprise to see you here!”

Ena blinked. Firelight shot into the skies again, and she did not understand why until she looked further into the clearing she entered, where three beorc stood on a square of cut grass. A crowd of bird laguz dotted the trees, and she saw King Tibarn of the unified bird tribe at the front. Reyson leaned on him, watching the beorc intently with a deep frown on his face. But the king looked relaxed. Whoever those beorc were, they were not a danger to the forest or its people.

Leanne must have noticed how Ena’s gaze wandered, she leaned down a little bit to meet her gaze and smile. “You’ve come at quite a special time. We’re housing fire-dancing beorc for the third year in a row, so we’ve put up a bit of a feast!”

Ena did not really know what to say. She had not expected beorc fire dances, but even less had she expected a warm welcome. She had been prepared to perhaps nod at her former laguz-in-arms, pay for a meal and then be on her way. She thought she would have preferred it that way, but that was not something she wanted to say to Leanne, with the way she smiled with true, unfiltered joy.

“Why?” Ena asked instead.

“It’s our way to healing”, Leanne explained simply. “Too many of us fear fire. The past is heavy, but we try to see flames as something that can be tamed. And we could never do this ourselves without our wings catching on fire. Hence, the beorc. Come! Sit with me.”

Ena did so. She was given a bowl of hot vegetable soup, not really understanding what any of this meant, but as she looked up to the beorc, she began to.

“My fair crowd”, the beorc grinned, shirtless and with three different flaming torches in each hand. “It is time… _Six torches_.”

He moved as to continue, then he halted with staged hesitance. “Now, if I do set myself on fire, I will have to inform you that it is _not_ part of the show.”

Scattered laughter rippled through the trees, and the beorc grinned.

“My bard friend sits over there with the water buckets, please let him through should anything happen to me. Now, last time he had to step in he had dropped his flute in the bucket – and while I am thankful for not being left to the fate of charring my poor skin, I would appreciate it if I didn’t get a flute flying into my eye this time, _Johan_.”

More laughter. Leanne chuckled into her hand, while Ena looked on in confusion.

“That’s enough safety precautions”, the beorc sniggered and waved his torches. “Now, do _you_ think I can do this?”

“Yeah”, Ena heard Janaff shout form the trees. “Just _do_ it, you madman!”

“As you wish, sir”, the beorc grinned, and in the next moment, he sent his torches flying in an arch above his head, juggling them with nimble fingers. Ena looked over to Reyson, who had tensed and grabbed Tibarn’s tunic, but he stayed and looked on, and slowly relaxed again. Leanne, in contrast to her brother, looked perfectly fine the whole time.

“Get ready for another one”, a beorc from the side-lines shouted and threw a seventh torch, and the juggling beorc caught it seemingly without looking, and the birds clapped and cheered as the beorc caught them again one by one, shoved one between his teeth and three sticking out from between his fingers, as he bowed.

“Delightful, isn’t it?” Leanne asked Ena, who still wasn’t really sure how she’d come to be there.

“They are… very skilled”, Ena choked forth. “But why… Why don’t they use fire magic?”

“I think they find this way far more exciting”, Leanne answered. “The beorc, I mean.”

Ena simply nodded. “What does the… what does the forest think?”

Leanne smiled as the show continued before them. “I think it trusts us all that we won’t harm it again. I don’t think it minds.” Then she looked down on Ena. “How come you wanted to visit?”

Ena could not answer that in honesty. Leanne had assumed that Ena had a purpose, and that she was not a husk in search for something that made the nothingness go away – but then again, Leanne was a heron. They sensed emotions in those around them, with wisdom beyond their years. Why then would Leanne even need to ask?

Because it was polite, probably. What friends did.

“The peace was lonely”, Ena answered.

The gleam in Leanne’s eyes dulled slightly. “I see.”

“Kurthnaga was kind”, Ena felt the need to explain. “But the castle felt empty without Rajaion. So empty, I could not think. I tried moving to the village to my birth, but that was even worse.”

The hawks clapped joyfully around her, but Ena was only paying attention to the stew in her hands.

“If I had waited and stayed in the palace until our child was born… Perhaps they would bring joy back to that place. But that… Felt like a lot of pressure to put on a child.”

 _And on me_ , she thought to herself. Years had passed since Rajaion’s death, but she’d never wanted to imagine a future where she cared for their child alone. Not even now. She had not really voiced those feelings, it would not be fair to Kurthnaga who had tried so hard to make her life in the palace bearable.

Leanne folded her arms neatly in her lap. She looked so serene in the firelight, like she had never known anger or strife in her life. But that was far from the truth. Ena had seen her be carried out of Gritnea tower, alive and still with her mind her own, but she must have seen or at least _heard_ the horrors laguz went through there.

In the tower where Ena would one day be sent. She had known that the Mad King’s use of her would run out eventually, but she could not leave Daein regardless. The quick glimpses she had gotten of Rajaion, and the twitch of his eyes as he looked back and _almost_ recognized her… They held her in place.

She had loved him more than she had loved her freedom. Freedom was a relative thing in Goldoa, anyway.

“Where will you go next?” Leanne asked, since Ena showed no intention of speaking further.

Ena shook her head at that. “I know not. Onwards, hopefully.”

Leanne smiled, but it was not filled with much joy at her empty jest. “You have no goal in mind?”

“No.”

“So you could stay, could you not?” It was an innocent question, but Leanne’s gaze was almost eager, for a reason Ena could not understand. “We have need of a cook with experience form abroad—The hawks are trying to get used to eating more vegetables, and any exciting recipes will help a long way.”

“I’m not skilled in the cooking arts, at least not enough to call myself a _cook_ ”, Ena answered, obeying her first instinct to object.

But the thought slowly settled with her. She knew how to make salt-rock spice mixtures from scratch – all dragons did – and she could always tell when a spit was crispy enough with honey, and a single breath would cook it just right. She had grown up near the sea, but Nasir had showed her how to make the mountains and forests give their blessings and survive out in the wild.

Something she had used a lot in her days, even though in later years she hadn’t cared very much about taste. But a hundred years was enough to make her skills effortless. Perhaps that would make her a cook in the eyes of those who had not lived as long – although most of these laguz were probably a few decades her elder.

“I might just take your silence as a yes”, Leanne smiled carefully at her. “But please tell me if I overstepped. Of course you may continue on. I’m simply excited to see an old friend for a bit longer. Cooking is an excuse.”

Leanne was friends with the entire world, as far as Ena was concerned. But once upon a time, Leanne had told Ena that she was something special, which had been strange.

 _I think you could change the world with us_ , Leanne had said. _You’re strong, and in a special way._

Ena had not felt special for many years. She imagined that was something Leanne said to everyone, but on the other hand, Leanne was always genuine and honest. Ena had found it almost easy to believe her, and that was perhaps why she now looked up at Leanne with her mind focused for once.

“I… suppose I could try”, Ena answered. “If your king would welcome someone like me.”

Leanne merely chuckled at that, which was answer enough. But still, Ena had never witnessed any openheartedness of Tibarn’s, although he had seemed reasonable most of the time. Ena would not run away as Leanne got to standing at least. In honesty, she might have been too dumbfounded to be able to move.

Leanne skipped over the grass, keeping her balance with a few graceful wingbeats. Once she reached her king she gave Tibarn a light shove (perhaps that was how one pecked him on the shoulder, as a regular poke would do nothing to catch his attention), and he turned his head toward her.

Leanne gestured toward Ena, spoke something inaudible over the chatter between birds, and Tibarn grinned and shrugged. Which probably meant yes.

Ena was not sure what she’d gotten herself into, but the emptiness didn’t allow for her to feel surprised. She did not prefer to wander. She could go along with this, for a while at least.


	3. Chapter 3

_“Leanne”, Ena says, her voice lost to the thick silent darkness._

_She is freezing cold and stiff, even though the stillness of statues has not afflicted her. She had walked out into the fresh air to watch the night sky, but she misses the comfort of belonging. At times the past merges with her and chooses only the most painful memories, and now she cannot control them._

_If she thought she was lonely before, she cannot compare anything to this. The entire world sleeps, except for her and a dozen handfuls of people. And now it is just Ena and Leanne, who looks so perfectly at ease despite the curse that pressed down on everything around them._

_“Hello Ena”, Leanne greets in Ancient, her voice ringing so effortlessly when she does. Whenever she tries to speak Modern, she frowns and her syllables fall over one another, but she is a fighter and keeps at it._

_Ena had been a fighter too. Maybe she still is, but not while she is cold._

_“Why are you out here?” Ena asks. “The night does not belong to birds.”_

_It sounds harsher than intended with the dull tone in her voice. But bird tribes are less accomplished than beorc when it comes to night vision, and they sleep through nights in protective places while darkness does not matter much to a dragon. For Ena, night only means a slight haze over her vision, and the shadows blur a little, but other than that, her eyes are keen like a beast’s._

_“You haven’t come back to the tents”, Leanne answers. “I wanted to see that you were all right.”_

_Ena bites her lip. “Your concern is unwarranted, I assure you. I can handle myself out here.”_

_“Of that I have no doubt.” Leanne’s gaze is unfocused, but she still has her face turned toward Ena like she knows precisely where to look. Herons read hearts, and perhaps that is exactly what she is doing right now._

_“You’re strong”, Leanne continues. “In a special way. I think you could change the world with us.”_

_Ena hugs herself. “I can stand up to the goddess that never saved my love. But after that, what is to change, except for everything to return to normal?”_

_“You want a future where your child can grow and be happy”, Leanne answers. “You decide what that future looks like, Ena.”_

_It is like a stab to her chest. Ena curls together. Her memories swish about in her mind, and she could really do without a heart-reading right now. Ena does not know what she wants, so why should Leanne?_

_“Ah”, she says, and hides her face in her hands to keep the pain inside. She wants to transform and tear up trees by the roots, she wants to sail away and never know anything ever again, she wants for her heart to stop HURTING._

_Leanne puts a hand on her shoulder._

_This part of her memory is clouded and unclear, but she thinks she sees Leanne’s smile. It is a smile with ageless wisdom, and just the feeling of not being alone and isolated pulls Ena down like an anchor into the storm of her emotions. It is an anchor that steadies her, but it also holds her down and she feels like she is about to burst from the pressure._

_It is rare for Ena to cry, but she cannot hold the tears back. She falls to the ground, upheld by nothing but Leanne’s steady hands for a brief moment before she finds her balance in grappling at Leanne’s sleeve. Desperately, fearfully._

_She is so afraid of her own grief. She does not know what to do with it. Pushing it away does not work. Accepting it does not work. Staring up at the night sky does not work. Rajaion is not coming back. She is Ena, a steadfast ocean flower, ready to withstand anything to see the twisted shape of her beloved once more, just to hope—_

_“I’m sorry”, she pants, trying to fight the tears. “I’m sorry, Leanne, but please stop. Whatever it is you are doing, please stop it.”_

_Leanne shakes her head, the wisps of her hair touching Ena’s cheek. “This is no deed of mine”, she says._

_Ena tries to breathe. Her hands still grip Leanne’s sleeves. Her mind conjures the galdr that Leanne and her brother had sung for Rajaion one last time, one of rebirth. It had been the greatest gift Ena has known for years before or since, to bid him farewell. But it does not make the world less empty._

_Time moves quickly. When Ena looks up again, the stars have shifted. Leanne’s patient face has not. It is strangely comforting to see her, as though she is made from starlight herself._

_“I am sorry I could not do more”, Leanne says, and Ena understands that she means Rajaion._

_Ena exhales slowly. “We knew the stakes when we crossed the borders of Goldoa”, Ena answers, the rational parts of her mind once again gaining control. “It was of no fault… of yours. At all.”_

_“Neither was it yours.”_

_“I know”, Ena says, because she does know that. Knowing is not the same as believing, though._

_The dawn edges the horizon. Ena does not know what the future will be, and she doubts that she ever will, but Leanne seems confident enough. And perhaps that will do, just for now._

\---

Ena had missed doing something with her hands. She had missed breathing life into fire. Strange, because she had done so many times in her later years in Goldoa, but never like _this_.

Never with a dozen eyes watching her expectantly, never with a purpose bigger than to feed herself.

It took a while before she saw Leanne again, but it was a moment all worth waiting for. What was to Ena a simple dish of grilled vegetables was to the birds a delight. Draconic spices were so hot that one turned red in the face if one were not used to them, which obviously none among of the Serenes inhabitants were. King Tibarn asked for an extra helping of the spicy glaze (just to show off, evidently), and Ena would not deny him any. He gulped it all down and with flushed cheeks he laughed toward the skies.

“Haah, this would make fire-breathing dragons of us all! Careful, lads!”

The crowd that had gathered chuckled at that, and in true hawk fashion, they were _not_ careful. Even Reyson took a spoon of the hot sauce and put it in his mouth, the chuckles spread even further as his entire face grew red as a beet and he coughed and asked for water.

Leanne was not like the competitive ones, but she was curious, her hand reaching for a bowl to try. Ena did not want to cause her pain. She gave her the least spicy bits and were careful with the sauce, and similarly to Tibarn, Leanne’s cheeks merely flushed as she smiled.

“Mmmm”, she hummed, her eyes closed. “That is fantastic, Ena!”

Each bird asked for a helping, and one more. They laughed among themselves, but they also made sure to compliment Ena and her skills (and make dragon puns) and thanked her.

It was almost fun. Almost like when Nasir was around.

When Leanne asked her whether Ena would like to make another meal the day after, Ena saw no reason to say no.

Neither did she say no the other days of the week, nor the months after.

She had made a spot for herself at the bottom of a tree, and Leanne had made her a shelter of knitted blankets, the yarn made of galdr hums and glowing vines. Maybe that was a waste of a heron’s gift, but Leanne, contrary to her brother, used her galdr almost constantly. That was when she smiled the fondest, and Ena did not mind providing her an excuse to use her craft.

Ena liked listening to the soothing melodies, too. When she gathered her ingredients from what the forest saw fit to provide her (which was plenty), she kept near wherever Leanne was residing just to hear her sing.

Ena stayed up even after those songs ended, when all the other birds slept Ena watched the night as she had for so long. It was a habit more than a comfort, but on the other hand, Ena’s hands and chest felt warmer than they had in years. The forest was breathing life into her again, and Ena saw no point in leaving. No, not merely that – she did not _want_ to leave.

\-----

Ena’s child entered the world under the night sky, to the sweet welcome of galdr. The source of the sound sat beside Ena all the way through, and the forest echoed the words of ancient magic back, surrounded Ena’s small shelter with a light that Ena could not see, but _feel_.

She was safe here, and what she had feared so seemed easier now. She had feared that she would resent the child that she had born, that the child would reject her, that she would fall apart and never recover, but none of that came to pass.

She saw the wisp of dark hair on the child’s brow and heard the strength of his screams, and she held him close and never wanted to let go.

Leanne had a hand on her shoulder, like an anchor that held her steady and did not press her down, and the very presence brought tears to the corners of Ena’s eyes just like it had so many years before. But they were happy tears this time, and she was certain that whatever Leanne sensed in her heart right then was the reason she blinked tears away too.

\-------

Her mind floated less, and Ena had scarcely noticed. Her mind was occupied by the present, to say the least.

Ena had sat down to try and knit a satchel to support her son while she gathered her ingredients, and both Leanne and Reyson sat down beside her to make use of their sewing skills, not their galdr.

Reyson was quiet around Ena, but it was not an awkward kind of quiet. His frown softened sometimes, although not very often around her. It was all right, though. With Leanne there as a catalyst, his company was nice. They shared stories and legends and future hopes, and while Ena was quiet more often than not, she was also happy.

When Ena served her dinners the first few days after bringing her child into the world, the people around her were far more interested in the bundle at her chest than the food, and they asked for names of course.

That doused Ena’s light for a few moments, when she once again had to say the words ‘ _I have not decided yet_ ’. She expected the judgemental glances she had gotten from her fellow Goldoans, or sorrowful ones, the mark of a terrible mother that didn’t even try—

But the hawks and ravens only shrugged and went on with their day.

“That makes sense”, a hawk said. “Names are a big deal! You should think on them before deciding! My pa didn’t name me until I was a fledgeling, but my mom called me ‘ _lil’un_ ’.”

“Which surely isn’t the reason they eventually named you _Lillian_ ”, a raven snarked from the line. “Lack of imagination, if you ask me.”

“Didn’t your dads want to name you _snugglebob_?” Lillian snapped back. “Sometimes too much imagination is a bad thing, you know!”

“That was told to you in confidence, damnit”, the raven sighed and put his hand to his head. “Just take your food and move the line already.”

Ena did not say anything, but on the inside, she was relieved. She wasn’t used to such informal ways, but she was slowly adapting to it. And she did like it. She liked it more than she thought she would like anything again.

When the night came on the fourth month, Ena stayed up later like she used to. There were no stars. Only the black dragons looked down upon her now.

“Rajaion”, Ena said and tilted her head to the sky. “This is our son.”

Then she smiled slightly and looked out over the quiet forest.

“Look after us,”, she continued. “And look after my friends, too.”

The last few words came out as a whisper, and as a shock.

Ena typically didn’t make friends. She’d had Nasir and Rajaion and been content with that, and in losing both of them, she had not had it within herself to manage to make new ones. Not in many years.

And yet the word came easy to her when she sat beneath the protective branches of a Serenes tree.

\-------

Spring turned to summer, and summer to fall. The sky was a murky grey when the King of Goldoa visited Serenes forest.

Ena held her son in her arms and stirred the pot of her latest experiment of nutmeg-infused fig-paste. She smiled at the sun and had forgotten about the nothingness for a brief moment, but at the sight of Kurthnaga, her chest dulled again.

It was no fault of his. He was kinder than most, and Ena was fond of him, but he had grown a little in the later years. He was already nearly five hundred years old, but he’d still had a childlike quality over his features.

No longer, with his hair and statue grown. He looked a lot like his brother, like an eerie ghost form the past. Even more so as he sported no guards or escorts but wandered with his simple boots and cloak and smile.

“Ena”, he greeted her. “So this is where you’ve been.”

Ena kept stirring the pot, more out of instinct that obligation, and she bowed her head. “Yes, your majesty.”

“There is no need for formality”, Kurthnaga said with another gentle smile and looked around the trees. “Here, I am but a guest. If the King welcomes me, that is.”

“If he let you into the forest, I think he does”, Ena answered. “He definitely knows you’re here.”

A small thought appeared in her mind of King Tibarn being the one to stealthily send a message to Goldoa, in a wish to get rid of Ena. She’d stayed here for a long time now, and she would not be surprised if they’d grown tired of her company. Although it did not seem so, they were as happy around her as always.

“I take that as an honor”, Kurthnaga nodded, and breathed deeply. “It is nice to see you well, Ena.”

“As it is nice to see you thus, my King.”

Kurthnaga looked down on the babe in her arms – he’d grown bigger and stronger already, but still clung to her chest and needed her constant protection. Something that was easier to do than she’d thought. Well, Leanne happily helped, and Reyson may pretend not to be completely fascinated by the little dragon bundle (but he was), and with that assistance, the load was certainly not as heavy.

“Have you thought of a name?” Kurthnaga asked, that inevitable question.

Ena considered shaking her head, but that would be a lie. She had seen how Leanne’s eyes shone as she told Ena stories as they sat down and made handcrafts or assembled everyone to retell legends before the warmth of a campfire. And Leanne’s favorite legend was that of the Zunanma, the progenitors to both laguz and beorc.

And Ena nodded instead.

“His name will be Zunan”, she answered.

Kurthnaga nodded – with pride, Ena noticed. He was proud of her and his nephew, which was a nice feeling, but an odd one, too.

“Almedha has returned home”, Kurthnaga explained. “But even so, the palace has been empty without you.”

“Do you have need of us?” Ena asked, and her heart slowly broke apart as she asked this. She did not want to return to Goldoa, not yet. The thought was terrible, as though now that she had finally unloaded some rocks from her chest, she had to go about and put them all on again.

Kurthnaga smiled slightly, and said: “I believe I shall miss my nephew and sister in law, but knowing that both are happy… I could not ask for more. Of course you may stay, Ena. Would you allow me to visit?”

“You are the king”, Ena answered. “You do not need my permission.”

Kurthnaga shook his head. “Allow me to rephrase that – do you _want_ me to visit?”

“Yes”, Ena answered. “Of course. But I also want to stay.”

“Then stay you shall”, Kurthnaga said. “I suppose I shall have a talk with the Protector, if he’s around. Why not build relations when I’m already here?” He leaned back, so comfortable and happy. Despite that he had lost so much, too. It was not because he did not care, but because he had the strength to move on. Which was not an impossible feat, Ena knew that now.

And three days later, after Kurthnaga had earned the respect of the entire forest by gulping down an full bowl of hot sauce in one swallow without so much as a tear in his eye, the King of Goldoa left again.

That night, Ena smiled to herself and brushed the hair of Zunan with her palm. She let her gaze flow over the whispering branches of the forest, where Leanne’s galdr of evening-rest echoed and surged in Ena’s chest.

“Your brother is well”, she said to the stars above. “I will see him again, I am sure. But not yet.”

She closed her eyes and smiled.

“This is my home”, she told the night sky, and for once, she felt whole.

\----------

Another month passed her by. Her son had begun to blubber nonsense, and in the pauses he left for her to respond she said ‘ _oh, is that right?_ ’ and he babbled something else no one was meant to understand. He was simply learning the concept of speaking and waiting for an interaction in turn – the words themselves were secondary. Although perhaps there was a phrase in ancient there somewhere, which caused Ena to smile.

 _Awuda_ , he had said. He had called her ‘ _mama_ ’. What a strange thing, but it felt right. It felt so right.

And there was no doubt in her mind from whom he would have picked up such a phrase, either. There weren’t a lot of people around that preferred to speak ancient, after all.

As their conversations went on, Ena spent a lot of her time gathering ingredients for her next dishes. Zunan tied to her chest as always, pointing and babbling until he fell asleep.

Those were good days. Ena did not hurt very much, she could kiss the top of his head and feel like Rajaion was there with them even during the day – but his presence was a distance away, like he was granting her the ability to see all those who were alive around her instead of grieving those who were lost.

But as she walked home with pine cones and starchy leaves in her basket, there was no distance. She saw one of the lost as clearly as day, tall and proud and with hair shining with the color of the sky.

Leanne stood by the edge of the clearing, the eyes of other birds upon them – suspiciously, but not maliciously. They saw him too. He was alive. He was well.

“Grandfather”, Ena said, dumbfounded and unable to say anything else.

Nasir stepped toward her, and she did not move. He had not changed aside from darkened scars over his throat, not fresh by the looks of them.

“Now is the time you say that you never doubted I was alive”, Nasir smiled at her and put his hand on her shoulder.

Ena did not really know what to do, but she did not _want_ his hand there, so she furiously pushed it aside.

“How dare you be so flippant?” she asked, all her grief speaking through her. “Do not abandon me and expect to return without explaining yourself.”

She wanted him there, and she was afraid that if she rejected him he would simply evaporate into thin air, but the shock was too great. She pressed her back against the wall, holding on to Zunan for all that she was worth, as if instincts told her he was a dangerous stranger. Although perhaps it was her anger that she feared. She had felt shame and pain and joy, but not _anger_. Not in a long time.

Nasir lowered his hand with a downward twist of his mouth, his eyes solemn. He was not flippant, she realized, he was merely trying to slip back into what they had used to be. A smiling family. She wanted that too, but it was too much and too fast.

“How could you leave me?” Ena panted instead. “Did I mean so little to you? You were alive… You were alive this whole time!”

Tears stung her eyes. Leanne moved as to step closer, but Ena held up a hand to stop her. She needed to process this alone.

“I was alive”, Nasir answered. “And I wasn’t.”

He didn’t elaborate. He always liked when people asked him to continue, so that he could cheekily withhold information that they wanted. He didn’t do the latter to Ena, but he still waited for her to ask things before he told her anything at all.

“That doesn’t cover it”, Ena said, with some of the cold of her former void in her voice. “Answer me truly, grandfather. Truly and _fully_.”

Nasir’s eyes dulled further, even as he smiled and shook his head. “I would call you stubborn, but you have all the right to demand such. Very well.” He stretched his throat and gestured toward his scars. “You know whose fangs did this to me. You know what that twisted poison did to him. But none of us knew that his teeth were full of that very same poison.”

Ena’s eyes widened, and she stroked Zunan’s covers, to press away the horror that spread in her chest.

“That can’t be”, she whispered. “Then why… why are you here?”

Nasir smiled at her, that sly smile of his that she loved. The smile that had hovered and watched over her ever since she was a babe.

“I started off by disappearing”, he said. “As I lay injured, I had an uncomfortable realization. I looked at the sky, and couldn’t remember what you called those fluffy things up there. I couldn’t remember what they were or if I’d seen them before. Terribly disturbing, as most of us has seen clouds quite a few times. And then I looked to the side, and I saw you. And I wanted nothing but to kill you. I wanted to tear everyone apart.”

The memory of the poison used to twist laguz were still fresh in Ena’s mind. She had seen it used on so many, but nothing could compare to seeing it happen to Rajaion. When everything that they were disappeared.

“So you ran”, she said, and Nasir nodded.

“I ran. I screamed at myself to do so, again and again. It is the last thing I remember. I probably ran for a long time after I stopped thinking. Because when I awoke, I was outside Hatari, in the desert lands. I had these weird pebbles crackling on my skin, as though I’d been covered in stone.”

“The rage of the Goddess”, Ena said.

“You know about that”, Nasir smiled. “Well, it took me a while to learn about it, to my shame. I had to sort out the rest of my predicament first. The people of Hatari were nice to me, laguz and all, although they told stories of a Great White Beast that raged in regions of the desert and would kidnap naughty children. I suppose that was me, in my twisted form. I tried to ask if the Beast had hurt anyone, and thankfully, I had not. The desert’s big. Lots of room for me to avoid people.”

“That would mean that when Ashunera was reborn… and the curse of Ashera broken… you returned.”

“A curse masquerading as a blessing”, Nasir said. “At least to me.”

Ena did not know what to say. Her grandfather was there, just like she remembered him, and she was still angry. She did not know what else to feel.

“Well”, she said. “I am glad you were saved. And I’m glad you found me.”

“You don’t sound glad”, Nasir said, putting the side of his face against his palm with a troubled frown.

“Because I am also furious”, Ena explained, and to some, she might sound like she was not really feeling anything at all, but Nasir could absolutely pick up on her signs.

He sighed. “As I am with myself. It is only right. I too am glad, though. That you’re alive, and that you’ve found a place to raise your son. He looks like a clever one. He might inherit my smarts.”

“I hope not”, Ena answered. “But he seems keen on talking, just like you.”

She felt a little bit like the Ena of old, now. Bantering innocently with her only family, with him smiling wider at her wit. He chuckled and looked down upon Zunan’s slowly stirring figure.

“Being a great-grandfather sounds awfully old of me”, Nasir smiled. “But I had a few years to adjust to the thought. Pity I lost some of them.”

Ena’s chest ached a little at that, because that her grandfather had been gone had been her fault. She might not have the right to be angry with him.

“Were it not for my weakness you might not have been lost those years”, Ena said. “You would not have been forced to go between me and Rajaion if I had been able to defeat him myself.”

Nasir put a hand on her shoulder, and she did not push it aside this time.

“Nobody gets to call my granddaughter weak”, Nasir said. “Not even she herself.”

Ena put her arm around him and embraced him like she was a child again, clinging to the back of his cloak, and Zunan – who looked as though he had spent the last few moments deciphering if this was a good stranger or a bad stranger – let out an incoherent but excited string of sounds.

“Is that so?” Nasir chuckled and put his cheek on top of Ena’s head, looking down at his great-grandson.

Ena rarely cried, but the tears smarted in the corners of her eyes at the gentleness in Nasir’s voice.

“I think he is saying hello”, she said, and bounced Zunan gently so that he looked up at her. “Yes, that’s right, Zunan. You have a great-grandfather.”

“One who’s going to stick around”, Nasir added, still with his arms around Ena. “At least for a while yet.”

“That makes me glad”, Ena said, and she meant every word.

\-----------

Nasir’s presence was a little bit less welcome than Ena’s to the birds, considering his history. But Leanne pleaded his case with Tibarn, which surely helped once Nasir himself approached him.

“I will not be a permanent sight for you, I assure you”, Nasir told him with a smile. “I’ve still got places to be and catch up on. I simply want to see my granddaughter every once in a while.”

Tibarn seemed to mentally comb through every possible way Nasir could stab him in the back – something he was very careful with assessing since the massacre of Phoenicis. Then he finally yielded with a look on Leanne and a small shrug.

“I care not if the entirety of Goldoa wishes to move under my protection”, he said. “As long as none of you try anything funny. Which Leanne does not think you will, and that is enough for me. For now.”

Nasir dipped his brow with a smile. “It is impressive but not unfounded how you are famous for both generosity and cruelty, Your Majesty.”

“Thank you very much”, Tibarn said with the shadow of a smile.

Ena wasn’t exactly sure what had transpired there, but whatever it was, it had allowed her grandfather to remain with her, and for that she was forever grateful. Even though he would evidently wander again, it did not hurt her when she told him goodbye.

He would always come back. She knew that, now.

\----------------------------

Zunan took his first steps on Serenes grass. His ability to use his body did not evolve as quickly as the bird tribe children he looked up to. He yelled in indignation at Ena and pointed at the hawk hatchlings who giggled and tumbled through the air, knowing only that as a standard for what other children did, and it was like he demanded to know why she wasn’t teaching him to do that.

Ena figured the best way of explaining that would be for him to realize that they were different, and she knew no better way to do so but to find a good clearing and take on her second form. And since then, he stopped insisting on flying and only attempted to shift whenever he could not reach things on the shelves or among the trees.

The first time Zunan transformed, he reached almost to the height and width of his bird friends, which pleased him immensely. Serenes had very little space for a fully transformed dragon, but Ena would still take on her laguz shape to show him how he could leap and pounce and breathe fire into the sky.

Or in his case, black fumes. Just like his father’s breath. His black scales glistened in the sun, and once he knew how to walk and climb, he hopped between the branches to follow his friends as they flew.

He was very different from the usual dragon child in that way. He had a dozen friends of similar age, and Ena let him play for as long as he liked – or until dinnertime, at least. He did not need to stand with his back straight and only have fun twice a day, he could let out his wonderful laugh whenever he wanted.

Ena cracked one of her grandfather’s jokes with him, one where she pretended to speak to a rock and put it to her ear to listen, and Zunan laughed with such delight it brought tears to Ena’s eyes. Nasir chuckled into his hand, and did not try to repeat that joke in his own way. He was giving it to Ena. A gift, before he left the third time.

But he would be back. And even in his absence, Ena had a family.

Ena wore a braided flower crown almost every day. Leanne made them for her with a hum, the forest giving her the materials she needed as she let out her galdr of growth. Her thin hands not plucking the flowers, but them breaking themselves at the base and with only her touch. The sunlight glistening in her golden hair and white wings, and her smile when she put the finished crown down on Ena’s head every time.

“You look so pretty!” she said joyfully. And Ena could only blush and smile like it was the first time they’d done this, every time.

The nothingness had not made itself known in a long time. Of course there was pain of loss, Ena doubted she could ever be truly free of that reminder. But when she saw the joy in Leanne’s eyes, the pain faded.

“Leanne”, Ena said, and her heart was happy.

This was a place where eternity no longer felt daunting. It was hers, and Ena would welcome it without hesitation.


End file.
